Oh how lovely you were once upon a time
by Lelita-chan
Summary: Oh how lovely you were indeed, how i wished that I'd known about your intentions from the beginning, at least the i would have been prepared, but...i don't think anything would have truly prepared me for the emotion roller-coaster you took me on, what a pity, really, I've got no-one to blame but myself, what a foolish child I've been.


oh how lovely you where once upon a time

with your lovely blue eyes

and your yellow hair,

with your lovely words with which you made me fall in love

with your pleasant touch and you calming smile

Oh how i wish everything was as lovely and simple as you made it out to be!

Your sweet and entrancing singing which was what brought me to you once upon a time on that perfect fated day,

you where the new girl who sat alone at lunch time, signing softly to your self

and me, the over-friendly, naive girl who just couldn't bare to see someone excluded and alone.

When i first talked to you, it was like love at first sight.

well,

maybe not love but we certainly had a strong connection, that much is true!

and how wrong i was

when i though that you were just another shy girl who'd i'd have to help bring out of her shell

but that was not so of course,

you were as bright as me, even brighter, definitely brighter

sometimes other people got burned by you brightness,

but not me!

no never me.

And sooner than latter i fell for you

Oh i feel so hard, and now, looking back on it maybe it WAS love at first sight,

i just didn't realize it until it hit me just how much i wanted you

how much i longed for those arms that held me so close

to mean something else than a friendly embrace

i wanted you to love me

but not just love me, to _adore_ me just as much as i adored you

but i couldn't tell you that

no i definitely couldn't, i was selfish and possessive and i didn't want to scare you,

because my feelings definitely would, i was so sure of that.

But then you weren't, and i was so happy

so incredibly and utterly happy that i though my heart would burst!

and the days that fallowed your confession where the happiest i ever had of my miserable and perfectly fake life.

i let you see pass my mask

i let you try to mend my broken soul

my selfish, self-destructive ugly soul

but maybe...

you didn't understand just how broken i was...

so you put a band-aid around my broken heart

my broken mind

but alas!

it was going now where, and knew that

but that was okay, and you know why?

because it was enough for me,

anything and everything you did for me was enough because i adored you no mater what.

Did you know? the first time you said "i love you" was the first time i truly felt loved?

Oh how cruel of you that was

truly cruel.

And then...

and then you told me that maybe you weren't quite ready to date a girl,

it_ was_, after all, your first time

(was it really that difficult to just give it to me straight? with out excuses?)

i remember laying in my bed,

in front of my computer, staring at your Skype message

i couldn't breath

i couldn't think

i couldn't believe

i though i could feel the rest of what was me, the pretend sweet naive girl

leaving me.

the time that fallowed after i felt like i was missing

as if i'd not been there in a long time, like i went for a vacation but i still wasn't back

and i had left behind a replacement

a copy of my self

a defective copy of my self

but i kept up the charade

and acted like i hadn't a worry in the world

like it wasn't killing me inside, like i had gotten over it over the weekend.

and you know what?

i almost wasn't surprised when i heard you talking to your apparent new girlfriend.

almost.

and i remember, giving a bitter laugh,

so my suspicions _**were**_ right

you **_were_** merely experiment with me.

did what you did, said what you said,

for a chance to "get in my pants" as you so elegantly put it.

but you know what? even now, i still...

i still don't regret it, i don't wish it didn't happen,

because even if it wasn't real, for a little while back then,

i felt true happiness.

and i thank you for that.

thank you, Ashley.


End file.
